Showing posts with label memoir. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memoir. Show all posts

Friday, January 3, 2014

Duke Doki's Big Adventure




This is a story about a dog.  The greatest dog to ever live.  Standing knee-high, he was not too big and not too small.  Long, sleek and muscular.  Athletic and adorable.  Soft mink fur in wild patterns of black, brown, tan and white unlike any other dog.  Passionate about dog toys and playing fetch.  An aggressive snuggler.  And serious.  Always very serious.  Serious about snuggling.  Serious about playing fetch.  Life is not a game, and he gives it his all.  At the dog park, he MUST fetch the ball first, even if he was not invited.  He outruns the bigger dogs, and prances back quite full of himself.  He is a noble dog.  A royal.  gaining fans.  He is much more popular than I am, attracting attention everywhere he goes.  But I am proud to stand in his shadow.  He is my son.  My dog-son.
This dog went by many names... Duke, Jester, Doki Doki.   Some even call him Duke Doki of Doki-shire, recognizing his royalty.   While the events of his early chidlhood are unknown, we can only imagine what horrors he suffered.  Loss of family.  Hurricanes.  Separation.  Relocation.  Surely there is something in this story to explain why he is so serious, and why he has such anxiety about rain and cats.


He was born September 15th, 2007 in Gulfport, Mississippi, along with 9 of the cutest puppies ever to live.  He was named Duke, for he looked just like his dad, King.   King, was a full-blooded Catahoula Cur standing nearly waist high with thick leopard spotted fur, one blue eye, and one brown eye.  A large muscular hunting dog and respected leader of the pack.  Duke's mom, Sadie, was half-dachshund and half Catahoula Cur.  She was much smaller than King with a long sleek body and long dachshund pattern fur.  She was very loving and attentive, keeping track of all 10 of her children and making sure they were well fed.  Duke loved her very much.


Over the first months of his life, Duke's brothers and sisters began to mysteriously disappear.  One by one.  Strange humans would arrive, make a big fuss and suddenly one of the pack was gone.  But he got plenty of attention from his parents and humans.  His humans treated him well, but did not pay much attention to him.  They were too busy doing human things.


From the day he was born, the cats terrorized him.  At first he thought they were playing, but they would claw and bite him, drawing blood!  He had to hide close to momma or else one of the mini-tigers would pick on him.  All of his brothers and sisters had disappeared, and he was now an only pup.  No one to play with, and no one to watch his back.  He had to keep his guard up at all times.


Daddy King was Duke's biggest role model.  Duke dreamed of going out hunting in the swamp, chasing birds and treeing big animals of all types.  But the dangers were even greater than he realized.  One day, King went hunting with the humans... and did not come back.  Duke didn't understand why!  Where did he go?  Was he kidnapped like his siblings?  Or was he eaten by a giant animal?  Duke vowed to train hard, overcome the cats and become a big hunting dog like his dad.



When Duke was 11 months old, there was a great thunderstorm.  It started raining and it didn't stop.  Duke was put in the garage with his mom, Sadie, and they hid inside a box in the corner as the wind and thunder shook the building.  The wind was so bad, the roof was ripped off the house and part of the garage.  The noise was so loud, all Duke could do was hide in fear.



The garage began to fill with water there was so much rain, and yet all the doors were closed.  Nowhere to run or hide.  And so Duke and Sadie swam in circles, until the water reached the table and they had footing again.  But the water continued to rise, and lil puppy Duke swam and swam, back and forth, keeping his head above water.  With a crash, the wall of the garage fell apart and the two dogs were swept outside into the rain.  They found shelter under some fallen wood and waited.

Duke's neighborhood after the rain

In the morning the storm had subsided.  Duke and Sadie circled around what was left of the house... which was now an island covered in junk, trailers and boats.  Water and rubble surrounded them on all sides.  And there was no food.  Luckily, some nice humans arrived on a boat with some food.  But the food was a trap!  They actually wanted to capture the dogs, and soon Duke found himself in a cage, looking through the bars at his mother in the next cage.  He began whining and yelping, but to no avail.  He was trapped.

You've been rescued!  Now get in this tiny cage.

After riding in the boat for hours, Duke was unloaded into a big building full of barking dogs, meowing cats and squawking birds.  Looking around frantically, he realized his mom was no longer in sight.  He began barking and howling along with the rest, and he continued barking until he heard the tail-tell sound of his mom barking in return.  She was in another part of the building, but it comforted him to know she was nearby.


Duke was moved from his cage to a pen filled with small dogs.  He was sad that his mom was not part of this bunch, but the males and females had been separated.  Every day he barked and howled until his mom responded to console him.  The days passed, the pen got more crowded and the inmates were stressed to breaking point.

Caged up and shipped off

Several weeks passed just the same, until Duke found himself being caged and loaded onto a trailer.  And so began the longest trip of his life.  Looking out the cage bars, he could see the road passing by, and the voyage took an entire day and night.  He was very sad, and very confused.  His mom was not on the truck, and he had no idea where she was.



The next day, he was let out of his cage into a kennel full of small dogs.  Such annoying little dogs, yapping and causing a scene.  Duke did not like them, and spent most of his time in the corner.  For some reason, the humans were now calling him "Jester."  And lots of humans came to look at him, calling him Jester and acting like they knew him... but he didn't know these people!  All he wanted was his beautiful mom, Sadie.  So, everytime a human took him out of the kennel, he would lay down and ignore them.  All he wanted was to be left alone.

Weeks passed, and the kennel got less crowded as the days passed.  Now he was one of 6 dogs in the kennel.  He was much bigger than the others, but still too small to be in the big dog kennel.  Once again, he was taken out of the kennel and handed to a total stranger.  This one was a man with friendly brown eyes and a soft voice.  He smelled like food.  But Jester was still too shy.  Too scared.  And he laid down and ignored the human.  But this human wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept talking to Jester, petting him and consoling him.  They locked eyes, and immediately Jester felt a kinship.  There was something different about this human.  Before he knew it, he was sitting in the front seat of a car with wind in his hair as exciting music played.

Jester (Doki) and his first toy Neptune, first day home.
They stopped at a big store filled with dog toys.  Jester was too confused and shy to look around much, but he did like one toy that was offered him.  A merdog with a crown.  It reminded him of his dad, King.  And for the first time in many months, he had something of his own.  The next place they stopped, a human gave them food.  He was offered a Wendy's burger, but it smelled awful so Jester didn't touch it.  And their last stop was a house, where there was a bowl of dog food and water and a whole couch just for him!  He had a big window view of giant mountains, and he had his new dog toy, that the humans named Neptune.

Doki Doki

The new human said he didn't like the name Jester.  Duke didn't like it either, and refused to respond to it.  So the human started yelling names at Duke.  "Jack!  Bob!  Killer?  Cujo!  Zepp?  Fernando?"  Duke didn't like any of those names, and did not respond, but the human kept yelling out names.  "Steve!  Doolittle!  Zeffer!  Hotdog!  Leopardo!"  Still none of the names appealed to Duke.  The human left for a few hours, and came back with a list in his hand.  Again, names were randomly called out... until suddenly Duke thought he heard his name... "Doki doki!"  He looked up at the human, twisting his head.  "Doki doki!  Doki doki!"  Hey, this is exciting!  The human said "Doki Doki" is Japanese for heart-throb.  Jester was officially named Doki Doki.  Duke Doki of Doki-shire.

Doki at the summit of Raspberry Mountain
The years that followed were filled with adventure.  Climbing mountains.  Going for runs.  Eating homecooked human food.  Meeting lots of nice humans, and making friends with their dogs.  But most of all, Doki loved his human.  His human threw his ball every day.  His human loved cuddles.  And his human made the best food.  He became very good at treeing animals, too, just like his dad.  He treed squirrels, cats and even a bear!

He still warred with the cats.  They taunt him, with their swishy swishy tails and meowing sounds.  Constantly trying to steal attention from the humans.  So Duke Doki makes sure the cats know, HE is the one that will do the terrorizing.  And the cats know it!  He won't kill them, but he'll rip out a tuft of fur if he can!  Whenever it rains, Doki finds his human and sticks by his side like glue.  Never again was he going to get left alone in a storm!  And every day, Doki misses his momma Sadie.  Where is his mom today?  Living a happy spoiled life, I'm sure!


Doki and his dog-best-friends (in Christmas sweaters)





Monday, December 2, 2013

Hidden Talents


As we approach the commercialized Christmas season, I want to think about this... you will either be remembered or forgotten for the gifts you give.  ANYBODY can buy a cheap piece of plastic, a gift card or give money... and while gifts are always appreciated, there are things you can give that NOBODY but you can give.  Arts!  Crafts!  Homemade foods!  Would you rather get a box of corporate cookies for Christmas... or your mom's homemade peanut-butter cookies?

You're not artistic?  That's not true!  Have you tried?  Because all it requires to create art is effort.

In the modern day, it is easy to just copy & paste art... and we never share our originality.  Why?  Because we never try.  We're tired out from our mundane jobs and spend our free-time as intellectual consumers.  But I encourage you today, to think about CREATING ART!



I don't just mean art... I mean the entire category of "arts."  This includes all textual, visual and audio forms of creative expressions.

The one art I have not fully attempted, is writing.  This is the main reason I started this blog.  To exercise my skill at crafting words.  Brainstorming deep thoughts and releasing them into something fun and exciting to read.  I have several grand ideas for books, but have yet to sit down and dedicate the time to writing anything longer than a blog post.  My stories often involved time-travel, magic or super science.  The authors that inspire me the most are Robert Jordan, Piers Anthony and William Gibson.  I truly hope to share my first book with the world within the next year.

How about visual arts?  When we are kids, we draw, we color and we paint grand images from our imaginations.  Granted, most of the things we drew as kids were primitive and required explanation... but once we become adults, we generally stop drawing, painting or coloring.  A couple years ago, I decided to focus on being more artistic.  I bought pastels... which are basically oil-crayons for adults.  I scribbled out several amusing images, and then realized that I have never created an actual painting.  Maybe I'm the next Picasso!  I don't know.  So, on New Years of 2012 I made my first simple painting...


Okay, so it's no Picasso and a 5 year old could probably paint it.  But it's my first painting.  Turned sideways it looks like the emoticon :)

But I was still intimidated by the canvas, and did not create anything for nearly a year.  Then I sat down with a canvas and start brushing out a swirly background.  As it dried, I saw all sorts of images in the swirls and scribbles, and decided to paint what I was seeing...

Ah-ha!  This made me feel like Picasso.  And after painting it, I realized these images represent me and my emotions.  On the outside, I resemble a carefree puppy dog with a big stupid grin... but inside my head is a monster that feeds upon my thoughts, or maybe it is my train-of-thought.  This monster worm originates from the "uncomfortable worm" of my psyche and the eye of self-realization.  My train of thought also passes by my lust, my dark sadness, my craziness and that sick part of me that is constantly spewing uncomfortable awkward self... coming full circle back to the nervous puppy dog grinning through the chaos.

Since then, I have created a few more paintings... although nothing that impresses me as much as that one.


As a teen, I dreamed of being a rock star.  And in my 20's, I built up a home recording studio and spent endless hours recording music.  I realized that I am not the greatest musician, and that I am my own rock star.  I really don't care if others like my music, as long as I enjoy it.  Oh, and I LOVE my music.  But I'm a horrible salesman and will never put the energy needed to go commercial.  And the idea of a "rock star" making millions off of one album is virtually obsolete.  Nowadays, musicians make their money off of touring nonstop.  The recorded music is just promotion for the live show.

Most of my recorded music is controversial, political and offensive, and I usually don't share as I don't want to ostracize friends, family and future employers.  But if you have speakers connected and aren't scared of a little noise... here are samples of some of my music.

"Mass Anger" was my attempt at angry industrial-metal.  Originally named "Hate," but that band name is already taken by about 20 different bands.  So I renamed it to Mass Anger.  Music to riot to!  It's in the top 50 of rock artists on Reverbnation.  My other more offensive project is in the top 40!


I then spent a few years working on acoustic hippie folk music... I wanted to focus on live organic music that was upbeat, positive and non-offensive... and playable at open-mic events.  But I didn't record any of it... so if you want to hear it you'll have to coerce me to get my guitar out.  That project was named "Forest of Tree's"

Then a few years ago I discovered dubstep, and was motivated to play with experimental electronica... so I created the project "vRksa" which is sanskrit for Tree.

There are still arts I have not delved into... and even if I am not a rock star, nor a Picasso, nor a talented writer... art brings me joy. I love my art. And that's all that REALLY counts. I always imagine my descendants experiencing my art with amazement... "Wow! Great grandpa created this?"

So as we go into the gift-giving season of Christmas... remember that art is irreplaceable!  Manufactured items are a dime a dozen... but art is priceless!  So, spend money on crafting, artistic or baking supplies and create memories.  Or, buy art supplies as gifts and encourage your loved ones to release their inner-artists!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Merry Halloween!


It's Halloween... and you know what that means!  Pumpkins, candy, costumes and outrageous behavior.

I'm not sure which is my favorite part...

Pumpkin carving, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin beer, pumpkin pie... oh my.  Pumpkins are great and all, but in the next few weeks, it will be rotting pumpkin season, and that's no fun.

Candy, candy... so much candy!  I start with my favorites... peanut butter and chocolate varieties... and then get so hopped up on eating candy that I work my way down to the cheap candy I don't even like.  Taffy-like candies and hard-candies are so bad on the teeth.  In the next few weeks I'll surely suffer a sugar crash and a tooth ache to match.

Costumes are great!  There are few times when it is socially acceptable to dress up like a total freak with no repercussions... well, unless your costume was a really bad choice.  But if your costume is really good, you just might win a prize.  People remember costumes!  And it doesn't take money for a good costume... it takes time and wit.  To commemorate the day, I am going to share pics of costumes I wore throughout the years...

1978 - Dressed as my dad, the cowboy minister
1981 - Superboy!  (or Mighty Mouse if I put my mask on)

1984 - A punk?  At least my idea of a punk back then

1985? - A fat clown!

Horseman - Thanks for making the costume mom!


Paperbag Mask - one of my best costumes and it was free!




















8 foot tall wraith - yard decoration I turned into a costume
1920s Mobster - I actually bought this costume

A Chtulhu monster (with protea eyes!)


And outrageous behavior?  That's probably the best part.  I recommend wearing a good costume if you're going to get really outrageous.  And watch out... it could lead to a lot of hassle, but that's the risk you have to take to have a lot of fun.

All of this is optional, of course.  You can sit home with your porch-light off scaring away the trick-or-treaters and avoid the holiday all together.  You can get mad that nobody invited you out and mope around the house.  OR... you could whip up a costume and find something fun to do!  All you need is a witty idea and a little time.  Carpe diem!  Seize the day!



Monday, October 7, 2013

Confessions of a former Parking Cop



Last summer I landed a job as a parking enforcement officer... aka parking cop, meter maid or parking nazi.  Law enforcement was never one of my dreams, nor did I ever expect to land in such a job.  But it's a job and the pay is fair.  Like any job, some days are enjoyable and other days can be annoying.  And for the most part, I enjoyed the work.  I would do it again.

Now that I have taken off the hat of a Parking Nazi, I figured I should confess.  And maybe I can save someone from getting a ticket.  I myself have been ticketed and towed before.  Big cities are extreme about parking enforcement.  Where I worked parking was fairly lax except certain zones.  But my advice applies no matter where you live.



1)  If you got a ticket... I'm sorry.  It wasn't personal.  It's my job.

2)  Read the signs!  When in doubt, don't do it.  Signs are there for a reason... safety, politics, profit... ultimately, read the sign OR ELSE!  It is not uncommon for a passing citizen to report sign violations.

3)  Park inside the lines!  If you're car is oversize, park as close to the curb as you can.  Our city ordinance gives you 12 inches from the curb.  Oh, and the more your car sticks out into the road, the higher your chances are of getting hit by passing cars.  And you can't trust passing cars.

4)  Park with traffic... usually on the right side of the street.  Parking against traffic is dangerous.

5)  Avoid yellow curbs like the plague.  Yellow curb is equivalent to a "No Parking" sign.  And usually there is a safety reason parking is not allowed such as a crosswalk, driveway, no shoulder, etc.  In fact, I'm suspicious of painted curbs of any color.

6)  When in doubt, play it safe.  Save your gambling money for the casino.  Parking is basic stuff.  Don't create your own parking space.  Don't block roads.  Don't take parking spots that are reserved.  In fact, it's better to assume you CAN'T park anywhere unless you see white lines.



Lastly, if you DO get a ticket... look for the parking officer and beg for mercy.  Be polite.  Act innocent.  Provide proof... ANY proof (such as parking receipt even if you just bought it).  You just may get out of that fine.  

If you are rude, mean, yell or are negative towards that officer in any way, you will have 0% chance of mercy.  Even if you were right.  Even if you had proof.  They can put you through a lot of hassle if you put them through a lot of hassle.  Yelling out obscenities or funny phrases like "parking nazi" only ensure the officer will work harder.  And they may just remember you when you beg for a ticket to be taken back.

On to new adventures!!  


Monday, September 16, 2013

What is "Cool"?

What is "Cool"?

Maybe I have dated myself just by using the word "cool."  "Cool" isn't cool anymore.  Neither is awesome or rad.  Yet, when I hear the words "dope," "tight," or "fat," those words don't sound very cool to me.  But this very sense of feeling "hip" and "on-top of your game" changes as you grow older.

As a toddler, I didn't have much of a sense of cool.  No real friends at that age, and being cool just meant I didn't poop my pants.  Having a bottle of milk or juice was pretty sweet, and Sesame Street was the best pop culture had to offer me.

As a little boy, I had just figured out how to have friends.  Now cool meant being friendly and coming up with fun imaginary games.  I was most proud of being able to tie my shoes.  And math was cool.  Chances are, Sesame Street was still #1 for me.

Pre-teen is the true beginnings of social cliques.  I was not cool.  I was awkward.  Too smart for my own good, and a total know-it-all.  I was good at soccer.  That made me feel cool.  I loved to write and draw, but for the most part I thought about things no other kid thought about.  My curiosity killed Santa and the Easter Bunny.  Sorry about that.  I had to do it.

Teenage years were a blur and a nightmare.  My awkwardness multiplied tenfold.  To me, cool was having favorite bands to rally behind.  I impressed friends by being good at video games, and just being friendly.  But my nerd side kept me from being anything near popular.  Who needs to be popular when you can be cool in your own way?  I liked the wild shocking bands that scared other people.  Cool was being a creative  individual that stood out from the crowd.

My young-adult life, I continued on this quest to be cool.  I was the coolest person I had ever met.  I dyed my hair green, started recording outlandish music and creating art.  Printed tye-dye tee shirts and had dreams of being the next big rock star.  And at some point in my 20's, I became that rock star.  At least in my head.  I am my own rock star.  I don't have to impress anyone.  All I need is a guitar, an amp and electricity.  Nobody can cheer for me louder than my own inner voices.

And in my 30's, I can hardly even relate to the idea of "cool."  I don't care to impress anyone.  I just want to be myself.  To be honest, respectable and a role-model.  There is a 5 year old boy in my life, and I do my best to make him think I'm cool.  We paint.  We play with Transformers.  We play video games.  We are cool together.  And there is a woman in my life who thinks I'm cool no matter what I do.  And that makes me feel cool.

Maybe being cool is just for young people.  As I grow older, I prize being content and happy far more than being cool.  I'll never be as cool as I was in my 20's, but that's okay.  I've impressed myself enough.  I've inflated my own ego as much as I could.  And as my ego deflates, it propels me into the future.

Are you cool, man?

Monday, July 29, 2013

When I grow up



I wanted to be an astronaut.  I wanted to be a bug scientist.  I wanted to be a dog psychologist.  I wanted to be a bionic engineer.  Those all sound like fun jobs.  

I did not know about money.  I did not know that a job was required to survive.  And I never dreamed of an ordinary job.  And definitely not the wide variety of jobs I have worked over the past 2 decades. 

When I grow up, I wanna be a:
  • Cattle brander
  • County fair maintenance worker
  • Waiter
  • Chef
  • Legal Secretary
  • Computer repairman
  • Shipping & receiving clerk
  • Data entry clerk
  • Telephone surveyor
  • Call center manager
  • Customer service rep
  • Retail clerk for a liquor store, rock & roll apparel shop and flower shop
  • Reports writer
  • Software tester
  • Project manager
  • Parking Enforcement Officer
  • Electronics salesman

I did not like olives, either.  They're black, shaped like eyeballs, have a fleshy texture when you bite into them and an unusual bitter-tart flavor I had never experienced.  After one nibble, I refused to ever eat one again.

And then someone showed me olive fingers!  What a fun experience to have squishy black finger tips to play with and then eat.  The flavor, shape and texture were the same, but now it was fun... which made it delicious.  This new and unexpected thing I had feared, became something I loved and ate 10 at a time!

Every job is an unexpected experience, but I always try to find ways to make it fun.  Like putting bitter-tart olives on my fingertips.

Here's an olive-finger work-related love story.




I love to hear about the unusual jobs other people have worked, too.  Please comment and tell me... what are the most unexpected jobs you have worked?