Merry Halloween!

It's Halloween... and you know what that means!  Pumpkins, candy, costumes and outrageous behavior.

I'm not sure which is my favorite part...

Pumpkin carving, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin beer, pumpkin pie... oh my.  Pumpkins are great and all, but in the next few weeks, it will be rotting pumpkin season, and that's no fun.

Candy, candy... so much candy!  I start with my favorites... peanut butter and chocolate varieties... and then get so hopped up on eating candy that I work my way down to the cheap candy I don't even like.  Taffy-like candies and hard-candies are so bad on the teeth.  In the next few weeks I'll surely suffer a sugar crash and a tooth ache to match.

Costumes are great!  There are few times when it is socially acceptable to dress up like a total freak with no repercussions... well, unless your costume was a really bad choice.  But if your costume is really good, you just might win a prize.  People remember costumes!  And it doesn't take money for a good costume... it takes time and wit.  To commemorate the day, I am going to share pics of costumes I wore throughout the years...

1978 - Dressed as my dad, the cowboy minister

1981 - Superboy!  (or Mighty Mouse if I put my mask on)

1984 - A punk?  At least my idea of a punk back then

1985? - A fat clown!

Horseman - Thanks for making the costume mom!

Paperbag Mask - one of my best costumes and it was free!

8 foot tall wraith - yard decoration I turned into a costume

1920s Mobster - I actually bought this costume

A Chtulhu monster (with protea eyes!)

And outrageous behavior?  That's probably the best part.  I recommend wearing a good costume if you're going to get really outrageous.  And watch out... it could lead to a lot of hassle, but that's the risk you have to take to have a lot of fun.

All of this is optional, of course.  You can sit home with your porch-light off scaring away the trick-or-treaters and avoid the holiday all together.  You can get mad that nobody invited you out and mope around the house.  OR... you could whip up a costume and find something fun to do!  All you need is a witty idea and a little time.  Carpe diem!  Seize the day!

You're Grounded!

When I was a kid, I got grounded a lot.  And I mean A LOT.  I can hardly blame my parents, as I was constantly getting into mischief, and constantly finding ways to break their punishments.  Spanking only works to a certain age, when the child begins to either ignore the pain or begins to fight back.  I did both.  It's hard to spank a child that's wielding a baseball bat!  And in the long run, it's debatable whether spanking is a good punishment.  Yes, you can put the fear of God into the little hellions, but you can also trigger the natural defense mechanisms of anger and violence.  I think it's better to THREATEN to spank your kids, but not actually do it.  The fear of the unknown is far scarier then the fear of the known punishment.

And when it comes to grounding... what do you ground?  It started off being grounded from my neighborhood friends... for 1 day... make that 1 week... make that 1 month.  To a kid, a month is an eternity... and this then caused me to rebel and break my grounding.  If I'm already grounded from friends for an eternity, what's another eternity added on to that?  Thereby turning my 1 month into 2 months and 3 months.  By that point, the grounding is pointless, as I felt condemned for life.

Grounded without parole

So, the next privilege to be lost is technology.  No telephone only works if the child has friends.  But there is always the dreaded "No TV for a week!"  I didn't care much for TV, but my precious Nintendo was connected to the television, and video games aren't TV, right?  Bam!  Grounded from TV for 2 weeks... which INCLUDES video games.  Bah.  But every day I had a couple hours at home alone after school... and as long as I turned off the TV by the time the parents got home, I was in the clear.  Of course, I also had to make sure everything was in the exact spot as I found it.  My dad had a keen eye.  So, then they started locking the power cords.  You may have seen this grounding solution on Facebook...

That'll stop 'em!

Nothing motivates a kid like telling them that they can't do something.  This wasn't grounding... this was another challenge to overcome!  I became Sherlock Holmes... in the hunt for the key to the lock.  We all know these little locks come with 2 keys... one was on my dad's keychain.  If I could get my hands on his keys, I could secretly unlock it before he left for work.  But the second key!!  After searching every drawer, every nook, every cranny... I found it on top of my parent's closet wedged between the closet ceiling and the hallway ceiling.  I even ensured I put the key back in exactly the same spot.

And computers?  Well, just change the password.  That will keep them out.  Or will it?  Or will it make them into effective hackers?  I found work-arounds.  When those were stopped, I figured out how to remove the battery on the motherboard to clear the BIOS password.  And when it was locked with a key... the key hunt began again.  When that failed, I worked on a makeshift computer key out of a paperclip.

This got me to thinking about grounding kids in the modern age.  Most video game systems have wireless controllers.  If you take away the controller, the kid can turn on the console but can't play it.  How devious!  This also applies to most DVRs and Smart TVs... as the only way to navigate the menu is with the remote.  Of course, you'll have to take away the smart phone too... there are remote control apps for most devices.  Plus, smart phones replace televisions and video games.  And you may want to change your Netflix password or the child's Facebook password.

But is grounding the most effective way to enforce good behavior?  As I have pointed out, when grounding is used too much it can back-fire and cause further mischief.  Not to mention, grounding the kid means he will be at HOME all the time.  That's no fun for the adults, either.  Thinking back, my parents were surely sick of having me around the house 24/7 pestering them constantly because I had no other distractions.  It seems the parents are punished just as much as the children.

Solutions require a solute and a solvent.

So my solution?  Be creative.  Think of rewards, as well as punishments.  Make plans to do fun things... and expectations that "bad children" won't get to do these fun activities.  Use the unknown to your advantage.  Don't have an idea of what to do?  Then tell them you'll "do something fun" and figure it out if they behave well.  Unknown punishments can also work very well... when a punishment becomes expected, it can be balanced against the rewards of misbehaving.  So keep the punishments fresh and unique.  Here's some things that worked on me and for me...

• Create activities with them that they LOVE to do with you.  This makes a clear tit-for-tat, quid-pro-quo exchange.  You be good, I'll treat you good.  You be bad, and I will do something else by myself.
• Have them create their own punishment, thereby using the little creative mind against itself.
• Have them write lengthy essays on what they did wrong, why it was wrong and how to do right
• Have them do a difficult chore that fits the crime.
• Take away their favorite item with conditions of return.  Keep in mind, if you don't include conditions, you'll cause a rebellion.

Ah, now if only I could use these techniques on my dogs!  

Do you have any other creative punishments that go beyond spanking and grounding?  Please share!

The Columbian Exchange

Happy Columbus Day!

This holiday is often overlooked.  Few people recognize the true importance of this holiday.  Native Americans claim it is a holiday that celebrates their oppression, when the white man arrived on their continent.  While Columbus' discovery did bring negative things like disease and oppression, it also brought a lot of positive changes to both sides of the world.  This was the biggest event to happen in the history of humankind, and had the biggest world ecological impact since the continents drifted apart.  This event is known as "The Columbian Exchange."

The Columbian Exchange

What is the Columbian Exchange?  It is the term used to describe Old World exchanging animals, foods, cultures and diseases with the New World.  This had a HUGE impact on our species, and on the world ecology.  Prior to the 15th Century, Europe did not have cocoa, corn, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, peanuts, tobacco, strawberries, squash or turkey.  Think on that for a moment... most European foods are based on New World plants.  Can you imagine Italian food without tomatoes?  Or Irish without potatoes?  Spanish food without peppers?  And no cocoa in Africa?  And no corn!!  Food must have been horribly bland before the Exchange.

And on the flip side of the ocean, the impact on Native American culture was just as significant, if not more-so!  Imagine North America without horses, nor cows, nor sheep, nor pigs, nor chickens, nor bees, nor rats.  No wheat.  No black pepper.  No apples.  No garlic.  No onions.  No sugar!!  In fact, when we think of Native Indian culture, we usually think of horses and "Indian Fry Bread."  But they did not have either one of those until Europeans arrived.  The arrival of horses allowed tribes to chase the buffalo, and to raid tribes that were previously too far away to bother.  And prior to farm animals being introduced, they survived on hunting and on eating dogs.  Yes, dogs.

Somehow, this all gets lost in dedicating this holiday to Christopher Columbus.  A Spaniard who was convinced he had found a new way to Asia.  He truly thought he was in India!  Obviously, he had never been to India before.  But that didn't stop him from naming the Native Americans "Indians," and somehow we still use that term today.  Even the natives call themselves "Indians!"  If Columbus had thought he landed in China, the natives would be called Chinese today.

Yet, there is another great explorer that should be recognized.  Amerigo Vespucci.  Also known as Americus Vespucius.  Do you know who he is?  You should!  He is the explorer our continent got it's name from.  This Italian explorer voyaged to the New World shortly after Columbus... and he was the first European to realize that the New World was NOT the continent of Asia, but an entirely new continent.  His letters describing the New World were published throughout Europe.  This was the first time most Europeans heard about the new continent.

Amerigo Vespucci

In 1507, a German map-maker named Martin Waldseemuller drew the first world map showing the new continent... and he named it "America," the female version of Amerigo's name.  Why the feminine name?  Because all of the other continents also had female names, and he figured the new continent should be no different.

1507 World Map by Martin Waldseemuller

So, I wish you Happy Columbian Exchange day!

Want to learn more about this event?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbian_Exchange

1¢ Cowboy

Best penny every spent

For 1¢, you can be a cowboy for a minute.  What a deal!  And from the picture, you can tell it was the best penny ever spent.  For $1, you could be a cowboy for over an hour!!  Or you could put in a full 40 hours and become a full-time cowboy for $24 a week.  Although, you may cause a riot with the little kids waiting in line while their parents to pay for groceries.  With a deal like that, no wonder there's lines!

And that got me thinking... what else can I buy for 1¢?  According tot he U.S. Mint, it costs 2.4¢ to make a penny... so you can't even buy a new penny for a penny!  So what CAN you buy?  Penny candy is extremely rare these days, but you might find a colorful gumball or chiclet.  But I'd rather be a cowboy if I'm going to spend that kind of cash.

There are online sites that sell things for 1¢.  eBay has pennies for a penny, although you have to go pick it up.  While you're out, you can also pick up a few other items for a penny... 2 envelopes and a single teabag of green tea.  You can also buy famous recipes for 1¢.  

The best deal I could find on ebay today, is a NICKEL.  For only 1 cent!!  Free shipping, too!  Buy enough of these and you could be rich!   Buy a nickel for a penny on eBay.  Oh, but most of them are already bid on.  So I guess that's more than a penny.

There are some jewelry making supplies that are 1¢... clasps, mostly.  Amazon has some great items like the VHS tape "Dance the Macarena".  You can also buy cheap jewelry for a penny on Amazon.  But wait... these don't come with free shipping... so the total is WAY more than $0.01.

There are a few antique arcade games at the penny arcade... although a penny arcade is even harder to find than penny candy.  The only one I know of is in Manitou Springs, Colorado.

World Famouse Penny Arcade in Manitou Springs

And I hate to burst your bubble, but this is more false advertising.  There are only 1 or 2 games that cose 1¢.  Most of the games cost at least 10¢, and lose their fun after the first time you play them.

Tell you what... give me a dime, and I'll let you spin this monkey in circles.

And the games that are 5¢ are even worse... 5 second peep shows.

**SPOILER ALERT**  More false advertising.  There is nothing lude in these peep machines.  

So, what is the best return on investment for my valuable penny?  Where can I get the most "bang for my buck" ...err "bang for my penny"?  

The savvy investor will invest in being a cowboy for a minute.

For the penny-hater, you can join a group called "Retired the Penny" at http://www.retirethepenny.org.  Although we'll be kicking ourselves when the economy turns around and a penny becomes valuable again...

What else can I buy for a penny?  Please comment if you have any ideas I missed.

Confessions of a former Parking Cop

Last summer I landed a job as a parking enforcement officer... aka parking cop, meter maid or parking nazi.  Law enforcement was never one of my dreams, nor did I ever expect to land in such a job.  But it's a job and the pay is fair.  Like any job, some days are enjoyable and other days can be annoying.  And for the most part, I enjoyed the work.  I would do it again.

Now that I have taken off the hat of a Parking Nazi, I figured I should confess.  And maybe I can save someone from getting a ticket.  I myself have been ticketed and towed before.  Big cities are extreme about parking enforcement.  Where I worked parking was fairly lax except certain zones.  But my advice applies no matter where you live.

1)  If you got a ticket... I'm sorry.  It wasn't personal.  It's my job.

2)  Read the signs!  When in doubt, don't do it.  Signs are there for a reason... safety, politics, profit... ultimately, read the sign OR ELSE!  It is not uncommon for a passing citizen to report sign violations.

3)  Park inside the lines!  If you're car is oversize, park as close to the curb as you can.  Our city ordinance gives you 12 inches from the curb.  Oh, and the more your car sticks out into the road, the higher your chances are of getting hit by passing cars.  And you can't trust passing cars.

4)  Park with traffic... usually on the right side of the street.  Parking against traffic is dangerous.

5)  Avoid yellow curbs like the plague.  Yellow curb is equivalent to a "No Parking" sign.  And usually there is a safety reason parking is not allowed such as a crosswalk, driveway, no shoulder, etc.  In fact, I'm suspicious of painted curbs of any color.

6)  When in doubt, play it safe.  Save your gambling money for the casino.  Parking is basic stuff.  Don't create your own parking space.  Don't block roads.  Don't take parking spots that are reserved.  In fact, it's better to assume you CAN'T park anywhere unless you see white lines.

Lastly, if you DO get a ticket... look for the parking officer and beg for mercy.  Be polite.  Act innocent.  Provide proof... ANY proof (such as parking receipt even if you just bought it).  You just may get out of that fine.  

If you are rude, mean, yell or are negative towards that officer in any way, you will have 0% chance of mercy.  Even if you were right.  Even if you had proof.  They can put you through a lot of hassle if you put them through a lot of hassle.  Yelling out obscenities or funny phrases like "parking nazi" only ensure the officer will work harder.  And they may just remember you when you beg for a ticket to be taken back.

On to new adventures!!