Confessions of a former Parking Cop

Last summer I landed a job as a parking enforcement officer... aka parking cop, meter maid or parking nazi.  Law enforcement was never one of my dreams, nor did I ever expect to land in such a job.  But it's a job and the pay is fair.  Like any job, some days are enjoyable and other days can be annoying.  And for the most part, I enjoyed the work.  I would do it again.

Now that I have taken off the hat of a Parking Nazi, I figured I should confess.  And maybe I can save someone from getting a ticket.  I myself have been ticketed and towed before.  Big cities are extreme about parking enforcement.  Where I worked parking was fairly lax except certain zones.  But my advice applies no matter where you live.

1)  If you got a ticket... I'm sorry.  It wasn't personal.  It's my job.

2)  Read the signs!  When in doubt, don't do it.  Signs are there for a reason... safety, politics, profit... ultimately, read the sign OR ELSE!  It is not uncommon for a passing citizen to report sign violations.

3)  Park inside the lines!  If you're car is oversize, park as close to the curb as you can.  Our city ordinance gives you 12 inches from the curb.  Oh, and the more your car sticks out into the road, the higher your chances are of getting hit by passing cars.  And you can't trust passing cars.

4)  Park with traffic... usually on the right side of the street.  Parking against traffic is dangerous.

5)  Avoid yellow curbs like the plague.  Yellow curb is equivalent to a "No Parking" sign.  And usually there is a safety reason parking is not allowed such as a crosswalk, driveway, no shoulder, etc.  In fact, I'm suspicious of painted curbs of any color.

6)  When in doubt, play it safe.  Save your gambling money for the casino.  Parking is basic stuff.  Don't create your own parking space.  Don't block roads.  Don't take parking spots that are reserved.  In fact, it's better to assume you CAN'T park anywhere unless you see white lines.

Lastly, if you DO get a ticket... look for the parking officer and beg for mercy.  Be polite.  Act innocent.  Provide proof... ANY proof (such as parking receipt even if you just bought it).  You just may get out of that fine.  

If you are rude, mean, yell or are negative towards that officer in any way, you will have 0% chance of mercy.  Even if you were right.  Even if you had proof.  They can put you through a lot of hassle if you put them through a lot of hassle.  Yelling out obscenities or funny phrases like "parking nazi" only ensure the officer will work harder.  And they may just remember you when you beg for a ticket to be taken back.

On to new adventures!!  

When I grow up

I wanted to be an astronaut.  I wanted to be a bug scientist.  I wanted to be a dog psychologist.  I wanted to be a bionic engineer.  Those all sound like fun jobs.  

I did not know about money.  I did not know that a job was required to survive.  And I never dreamed of an ordinary job.  And definitely not the wide variety of jobs I have worked over the past 2 decades. 

When I grow up, I wanna be a:

• Cattle brander
• County fair maintenance worker
• Waiter
• Chef
• Legal Secretary
• Computer repairman
• Shipping & receiving clerk
• Data entry clerk
• Telephone surveyor
• Call center manager
• Customer service rep
• Retail clerk for a liquor store, rock & roll apparel shop and flower shop
• Reports writer
• Software tester
• Project manager
• Parking Enforcement Officer
• Electronics salesman

I did not like olives, either.  They're black, shaped like eyeballs, have a fleshy texture when you bite into them and an unusual bitter-tart flavor I had never experienced.  After one nibble, I refused to ever eat one again.

And then someone showed me olive fingers!  What a fun experience to have squishy black finger tips to play with and then eat.  The flavor, shape and texture were the same, but now it was fun... which made it delicious.  This new and unexpected thing I had feared, became something I loved and ate 10 at a time!

Every job is an unexpected experience, but I always try to find ways to make it fun.  Like putting bitter-tart olives on my fingertips.

Here's an olive-finger work-related love story.

I love to hear about the unusual jobs other people have worked, too.  Please comment and tell me... what are the most unexpected jobs you have worked?