Thursday, July 10, 2014

Age & Appearances


When I was 5, my most important possessions were a blanket and a few toys.
At 15, my stereo and cassette tape collection were more precious than gold.
By 25, it was all about my guitars, my Japanese toy collection and my data (pics & recordings)

Recently, I turned 37, and possessions matter little to me.  Oh, sure, my expensive items are important to me, but mostly because they're expensive.  What I value the most is my family and my free time.  And rather than amassing toys and musical equipment, I now collect irreplaceable things... like art created by me and my friends.

And over the years my appearances have changed dramatically.  Growing up in Montana, just having long hair drew jeers like "cut your hair hippy!"  And my hair wasn't even that long!  After moving to Minneapolis I grew my hair super long and dyed it green.  It was really important to me that I dressed & appeared the way I wanted.  Nobody was going to call me a "sell out"!

Well, despite my unorthodox appearance, I still managed to get promoted at my company and was told to normalize or lose my job.  Forced to make the decision between my rock star appearance or losing my big promotion... I chose to normalize.  But I still rebelled... going with black shaggy hair and wearing club-style "business" clothes.

And then I moved to Colorado and got a HUGE promotion... suddenly I was manager of other managers and meeting with Vice Presidents of a billion-dollar corporation, and even on casual Friday I made it a point to dress up.  I had to show everyone I was serious about my position!

My contract ended, and I went through years of low level jobs... yet I still dressed up like I was a manager.  In my current job, I'm not a manager and there is no dress code... and still I want everyone to know I'm serious about my work.  Many of my coworkers show up in sweatpants and many of my managers have outlandish styles... and I'm in my dress pants and a button-up shirt ready for a job interview or a wedding.  And even if dressing up doesn't influence my promotion, it sure makes me feel good.  And even if I don't have the looks of a rock star, I still stand out with my rock star personality and ideas.  I'm still me!


I've come up with a new system of age based upon the stages of human life using a base-18 counting system.  Because once you're 18 you think you're and adult... and yet you're just a newborn baby adult learning to crawl and walk all over again.

  • 1-18 = childhood
  • 19-36 = young adult
  • 37-54 = middle-aged adult
  • 55-72 = senior citizen
  • 72+ = ??  senior senior citizen?  Surely this is a whole different stage of life.

So, I'm officially a newborn middle-aged man!  Most of my friends are in their early 20's, and I barely comprehend what middle-aged life is about, but I'm ready to learn and redefine it!


Apparently, my math is horrible and so is my rambly choices in words.  Edited.







Thursday, April 10, 2014

Confessions of a former Electronics Salesman

I got a new job!   I'm finally back in the tech industry again and working for a great company!   And so I recently quit my old job working as an electronics salesman.   Once again,  I'd like to share what I learned in my 6 months working at that job.


  • Electronic salesmen are paid on commission and bonuses.   This means they will try to sell things that pay well,  and will hide cheap items that don't give kickbacks.   If you want a small tv, you will get poor service. 
  • Retail stores are more expensive than online stores.  Don't go to a retail store unless you need the product NOW
  • Retail stores websites often sell products for cheaper than the actual store, even if you pick up the product at the store.   Probably because they don't have to pay commissions. 
  • Most retail stores price match against local competitors.   
  • Retail stores have really good return policies.   Product could be open,  used,  damaged or you just don't like it and as long as you are within the return time frame (usually 30-60 days) they will refund your money
  • Prices change weekly. And if a product you bought goes on sale shortly after you bought it,  they will often refund the difference.
  • Electronics salesmen are experts.  Got a question or want to know about the latest electronics,  ask!
  • Protection agreements are better than extended warrantees, but are rarely needed.  Salesmen will pressure you hard and try to scare you into buying them because they pay good commissions and count towards metrics.  (I didn't like selling them,  and was "coached" about it almost weekly.)
  • Read the fine print on protection agreements!  A lot of salesmen will lie to get you to buy.   
  • Newer is not always better.
  • If you get good service,  take the survey or call the store.   The managers put a lot of focus on customer feedback.
  • A lot of stores are extending Black Friday sakes so you don't have to wait in line at 4 am to get the good deals
  • Retail stores are not safer than shopping online, because they don't focus on security like websites do.  Remember the Target credit card scandal of 2013?   It could happen to any retailer. 

In my opinion,  retail electronics stores will not exist much longer.   Why?  The Internet has better selection,  better prices and don't require awkward interactions with salesmen.   Retail electronics stores will become vending machines, show rooms for online orders or warehouses with pickup windows. 

Summary?  Shop online unless it is an emergency.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Waking Up Alive

Guess who's back??

It's been several weeks since my last post, but I swear it is not due to laziness this time.  I had a 3 week long battle wtih my stomach and my lungs, and I finally won!  It may have costed me a few thousand dollars, but I am determined to make the best of it.  I feel like a new person!  And I have discovered the cure to many common prooblems.

Are you struggling to quit smoking cigarettes?  Here is the most effective way that I have found... get really really sick and spend some time in the hospital!  When thoughts of suffering and dieing start crossing your mind, suddenly it is VERY important to stop smoking.  In fact, you will do just about anything to avoid going back to that traumatic place!    While I have only been a nonsmoker for 6 days, I am very confident that I am done.  I once quit smoking for 3 years... after going to the ER and fearing for my life.  Why did I start up again?  Alcohol and New Years shananigans. Won't make that mistake again!

Are you taking the basic joys of life for granted?  Maybe you're depressed, grumpy, bored with life or just plain unmotivated?  There's a cure for that... get really sick!  Being sick takes away all the basic enjoyments of life... like eating, sitting comfortably and sleeping.  You truly don't appreciate these things until you can't do them anymore.  While I'm still recovering, I have become incredibly happy to be alive and functioning semi normally.  And I am normally a happy guy, except when sick or tortured by work.  But every tiny victory is a feather in my cap.  I can almost eat a full meal!  Looking forward to eating flavorful foods again.

My blog title may be my favorite quote, but I really don't want to live forever.  Forever is entirely too long!  Nor do I want to die today.  I still have things to do, people and animals to take care of, and a life to live.  So how about somewhere in between?  I don't have forever and can't change the world in a day... but I'm alive again, I'm going to make the most of it!


Friday, January 3, 2014

Duke Doki's Big Adventure




This is a story about a dog.  The greatest dog to ever live.  Standing knee-high, he was not too big and not too small.  Long, sleek and muscular.  Athletic and adorable.  Soft mink fur in wild patterns of black, brown, tan and white unlike any other dog.  Passionate about dog toys and playing fetch.  An aggressive snuggler.  And serious.  Always very serious.  Serious about snuggling.  Serious about playing fetch.  Life is not a game, and he gives it his all.  At the dog park, he MUST fetch the ball first, even if he was not invited.  He outruns the bigger dogs, and prances back quite full of himself.  He is a noble dog.  A royal.  gaining fans.  He is much more popular than I am, attracting attention everywhere he goes.  But I am proud to stand in his shadow.  He is my son.  My dog-son.
This dog went by many names... Duke, Jester, Doki Doki.   Some even call him Duke Doki of Doki-shire, recognizing his royalty.   While the events of his early chidlhood are unknown, we can only imagine what horrors he suffered.  Loss of family.  Hurricanes.  Separation.  Relocation.  Surely there is something in this story to explain why he is so serious, and why he has such anxiety about rain and cats.


He was born September 15th, 2007 in Gulfport, Mississippi, along with 9 of the cutest puppies ever to live.  He was named Duke, for he looked just like his dad, King.   King, was a full-blooded Catahoula Cur standing nearly waist high with thick leopard spotted fur, one blue eye, and one brown eye.  A large muscular hunting dog and respected leader of the pack.  Duke's mom, Sadie, was half-dachshund and half Catahoula Cur.  She was much smaller than King with a long sleek body and long dachshund pattern fur.  She was very loving and attentive, keeping track of all 10 of her children and making sure they were well fed.  Duke loved her very much.


Over the first months of his life, Duke's brothers and sisters began to mysteriously disappear.  One by one.  Strange humans would arrive, make a big fuss and suddenly one of the pack was gone.  But he got plenty of attention from his parents and humans.  His humans treated him well, but did not pay much attention to him.  They were too busy doing human things.


From the day he was born, the cats terrorized him.  At first he thought they were playing, but they would claw and bite him, drawing blood!  He had to hide close to momma or else one of the mini-tigers would pick on him.  All of his brothers and sisters had disappeared, and he was now an only pup.  No one to play with, and no one to watch his back.  He had to keep his guard up at all times.


Daddy King was Duke's biggest role model.  Duke dreamed of going out hunting in the swamp, chasing birds and treeing big animals of all types.  But the dangers were even greater than he realized.  One day, King went hunting with the humans... and did not come back.  Duke didn't understand why!  Where did he go?  Was he kidnapped like his siblings?  Or was he eaten by a giant animal?  Duke vowed to train hard, overcome the cats and become a big hunting dog like his dad.



When Duke was 11 months old, there was a great thunderstorm.  It started raining and it didn't stop.  Duke was put in the garage with his mom, Sadie, and they hid inside a box in the corner as the wind and thunder shook the building.  The wind was so bad, the roof was ripped off the house and part of the garage.  The noise was so loud, all Duke could do was hide in fear.



The garage began to fill with water there was so much rain, and yet all the doors were closed.  Nowhere to run or hide.  And so Duke and Sadie swam in circles, until the water reached the table and they had footing again.  But the water continued to rise, and lil puppy Duke swam and swam, back and forth, keeping his head above water.  With a crash, the wall of the garage fell apart and the two dogs were swept outside into the rain.  They found shelter under some fallen wood and waited.

Duke's neighborhood after the rain

In the morning the storm had subsided.  Duke and Sadie circled around what was left of the house... which was now an island covered in junk, trailers and boats.  Water and rubble surrounded them on all sides.  And there was no food.  Luckily, some nice humans arrived on a boat with some food.  But the food was a trap!  They actually wanted to capture the dogs, and soon Duke found himself in a cage, looking through the bars at his mother in the next cage.  He began whining and yelping, but to no avail.  He was trapped.

You've been rescued!  Now get in this tiny cage.

After riding in the boat for hours, Duke was unloaded into a big building full of barking dogs, meowing cats and squawking birds.  Looking around frantically, he realized his mom was no longer in sight.  He began barking and howling along with the rest, and he continued barking until he heard the tail-tell sound of his mom barking in return.  She was in another part of the building, but it comforted him to know she was nearby.


Duke was moved from his cage to a pen filled with small dogs.  He was sad that his mom was not part of this bunch, but the males and females had been separated.  Every day he barked and howled until his mom responded to console him.  The days passed, the pen got more crowded and the inmates were stressed to breaking point.

Caged up and shipped off

Several weeks passed just the same, until Duke found himself being caged and loaded onto a trailer.  And so began the longest trip of his life.  Looking out the cage bars, he could see the road passing by, and the voyage took an entire day and night.  He was very sad, and very confused.  His mom was not on the truck, and he had no idea where she was.



The next day, he was let out of his cage into a kennel full of small dogs.  Such annoying little dogs, yapping and causing a scene.  Duke did not like them, and spent most of his time in the corner.  For some reason, the humans were now calling him "Jester."  And lots of humans came to look at him, calling him Jester and acting like they knew him... but he didn't know these people!  All he wanted was his beautiful mom, Sadie.  So, everytime a human took him out of the kennel, he would lay down and ignore them.  All he wanted was to be left alone.

Weeks passed, and the kennel got less crowded as the days passed.  Now he was one of 6 dogs in the kennel.  He was much bigger than the others, but still too small to be in the big dog kennel.  Once again, he was taken out of the kennel and handed to a total stranger.  This one was a man with friendly brown eyes and a soft voice.  He smelled like food.  But Jester was still too shy.  Too scared.  And he laid down and ignored the human.  But this human wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept talking to Jester, petting him and consoling him.  They locked eyes, and immediately Jester felt a kinship.  There was something different about this human.  Before he knew it, he was sitting in the front seat of a car with wind in his hair as exciting music played.

Jester (Doki) and his first toy Neptune, first day home.
They stopped at a big store filled with dog toys.  Jester was too confused and shy to look around much, but he did like one toy that was offered him.  A merdog with a crown.  It reminded him of his dad, King.  And for the first time in many months, he had something of his own.  The next place they stopped, a human gave them food.  He was offered a Wendy's burger, but it smelled awful so Jester didn't touch it.  And their last stop was a house, where there was a bowl of dog food and water and a whole couch just for him!  He had a big window view of giant mountains, and he had his new dog toy, that the humans named Neptune.

Doki Doki

The new human said he didn't like the name Jester.  Duke didn't like it either, and refused to respond to it.  So the human started yelling names at Duke.  "Jack!  Bob!  Killer?  Cujo!  Zepp?  Fernando?"  Duke didn't like any of those names, and did not respond, but the human kept yelling out names.  "Steve!  Doolittle!  Zeffer!  Hotdog!  Leopardo!"  Still none of the names appealed to Duke.  The human left for a few hours, and came back with a list in his hand.  Again, names were randomly called out... until suddenly Duke thought he heard his name... "Doki doki!"  He looked up at the human, twisting his head.  "Doki doki!  Doki doki!"  Hey, this is exciting!  The human said "Doki Doki" is Japanese for heart-throb.  Jester was officially named Doki Doki.  Duke Doki of Doki-shire.

Doki at the summit of Raspberry Mountain
The years that followed were filled with adventure.  Climbing mountains.  Going for runs.  Eating homecooked human food.  Meeting lots of nice humans, and making friends with their dogs.  But most of all, Doki loved his human.  His human threw his ball every day.  His human loved cuddles.  And his human made the best food.  He became very good at treeing animals, too, just like his dad.  He treed squirrels, cats and even a bear!

He still warred with the cats.  They taunt him, with their swishy swishy tails and meowing sounds.  Constantly trying to steal attention from the humans.  So Duke Doki makes sure the cats know, HE is the one that will do the terrorizing.  And the cats know it!  He won't kill them, but he'll rip out a tuft of fur if he can!  Whenever it rains, Doki finds his human and sticks by his side like glue.  Never again was he going to get left alone in a storm!  And every day, Doki misses his momma Sadie.  Where is his mom today?  Living a happy spoiled life, I'm sure!


Doki and his dog-best-friends (in Christmas sweaters)