You're Grounded!

When I was a kid, I got grounded a lot.  And I mean A LOT.  I can hardly blame my parents, as I was constantly getting into mischief, and constantly finding ways to break their punishments.  Spanking only works to a certain age, when the child begins to either ignore the pain or begins to fight back.  I did both.  It's hard to spank a child that's wielding a baseball bat!  And in the long run, it's debatable whether spanking is a good punishment.  Yes, you can put the fear of God into the little hellions, but you can also trigger the natural defense mechanisms of anger and violence.  I think it's better to THREATEN to spank your kids, but not actually do it.  The fear of the unknown is far scarier then the fear of the known punishment.

And when it comes to grounding... what do you ground?  It started off being grounded from my neighborhood friends... for 1 day... make that 1 week... make that 1 month.  To a kid, a month is an eternity... and this then caused me to rebel and break my grounding.  If I'm already grounded from friends for an eternity, what's another eternity added on to that?  Thereby turning my 1 month into 2 months and 3 months.  By that point, the grounding is pointless, as I felt condemned for life.

Grounded without parole

So, the next privilege to be lost is technology.  No telephone only works if the child has friends.  But there is always the dreaded "No TV for a week!"  I didn't care much for TV, but my precious Nintendo was connected to the television, and video games aren't TV, right?  Bam!  Grounded from TV for 2 weeks... which INCLUDES video games.  Bah.  But every day I had a couple hours at home alone after school... and as long as I turned off the TV by the time the parents got home, I was in the clear.  Of course, I also had to make sure everything was in the exact spot as I found it.  My dad had a keen eye.  So, then they started locking the power cords.  You may have seen this grounding solution on Facebook...

That'll stop 'em!

Nothing motivates a kid like telling them that they can't do something.  This wasn't grounding... this was another challenge to overcome!  I became Sherlock Holmes... in the hunt for the key to the lock.  We all know these little locks come with 2 keys... one was on my dad's keychain.  If I could get my hands on his keys, I could secretly unlock it before he left for work.  But the second key!!  After searching every drawer, every nook, every cranny... I found it on top of my parent's closet wedged between the closet ceiling and the hallway ceiling.  I even ensured I put the key back in exactly the same spot.

And computers?  Well, just change the password.  That will keep them out.  Or will it?  Or will it make them into effective hackers?  I found work-arounds.  When those were stopped, I figured out how to remove the battery on the motherboard to clear the BIOS password.  And when it was locked with a key... the key hunt began again.  When that failed, I worked on a makeshift computer key out of a paperclip.

This got me to thinking about grounding kids in the modern age.  Most video game systems have wireless controllers.  If you take away the controller, the kid can turn on the console but can't play it.  How devious!  This also applies to most DVRs and Smart TVs... as the only way to navigate the menu is with the remote.  Of course, you'll have to take away the smart phone too... there are remote control apps for most devices.  Plus, smart phones replace televisions and video games.  And you may want to change your Netflix password or the child's Facebook password.

But is grounding the most effective way to enforce good behavior?  As I have pointed out, when grounding is used too much it can back-fire and cause further mischief.  Not to mention, grounding the kid means he will be at HOME all the time.  That's no fun for the adults, either.  Thinking back, my parents were surely sick of having me around the house 24/7 pestering them constantly because I had no other distractions.  It seems the parents are punished just as much as the children.

Solutions require a solute and a solvent.

So my solution?  Be creative.  Think of rewards, as well as punishments.  Make plans to do fun things... and expectations that "bad children" won't get to do these fun activities.  Use the unknown to your advantage.  Don't have an idea of what to do?  Then tell them you'll "do something fun" and figure it out if they behave well.  Unknown punishments can also work very well... when a punishment becomes expected, it can be balanced against the rewards of misbehaving.  So keep the punishments fresh and unique.  Here's some things that worked on me and for me...

• Create activities with them that they LOVE to do with you.  This makes a clear tit-for-tat, quid-pro-quo exchange.  You be good, I'll treat you good.  You be bad, and I will do something else by myself.
• Have them create their own punishment, thereby using the little creative mind against itself.
• Have them write lengthy essays on what they did wrong, why it was wrong and how to do right
• Have them do a difficult chore that fits the crime.
• Take away their favorite item with conditions of return.  Keep in mind, if you don't include conditions, you'll cause a rebellion.

Ah, now if only I could use these techniques on my dogs!  

Do you have any other creative punishments that go beyond spanking and grounding?  Please share!