Bathroom Disaster

There I sat, fidgeting in my school desk wishing I hadn't drank so much water that morning.  Class was boring and the teacher was strict.  I sat watching the door, waiting for my classmate to return with the bathroom pass.  The 3rd grade teacher let us go to the bathroom whenever we wanted, but in 4th grade we HAD to use the bathroom pass.  I waved my hands in the air until the teacher called on me.  "Can I PLEASE go to the bathroom??  I can barely hold it in!"  The teacher responded "No, you have to wait for Jimmy to return."  My teeth were floating!!  Floating!

As Jimmy walks back into the classroom, I jump up and grab the pass like I was in a relay race.  Darting down the hallway, I run into the bathroom.  Strange... I didn't see any urinals.  What the heck?  Did they remove them over the weekend?  My bladder couldn't wait to figure it out... I run into the stall and finally find relief.

I hear the bathroom door open followed by two voices... FEMALE voices!  What are THEY doing in the men's bathroom??  I peek through the crack in the stall, and see two TEACHERS!  Oh no... I must be in the WOMEN'S bathroom!  Oh no!!  Quickly I jump up onto the toilet to hide my feet, and try to breathe as quietly as possible.

"I am soo ready for the weekend!" the first voice says.

"Oh?  Do you have big plans?"

"Not really.  I'm just ready for the week to be over.  I already had 3 parents in my class room this week complaining about SOMETHING.  It's been an exhausting week."

"It HAS been an exhausting week.  This morning, someone in the 4th grade music class put a whoopie cushion on my chair.  The class wouldn't stop laughing and making jokes about my musical instrument.  I never did figure out who did it, but I have my suspicions."

I gasp... I was the one who put the whoopie cushion on her seat.  And though for sure my classmates would tattle on me.  I guess it was too funny for them to give me up.  That's when my foot slipped... and with a splash I fall into the toilet.

"What was that?!" the music teacher said.  "Hello?  Is someone in here?"

Holding my breath, I slowly lift my foot out of the toilet.  Desperately trying to think of an excuse, or some way to get out of this mess.

The other teacher said "Check the stalls."

Ack!  And I'm in the FIRST stall!  Panicking, I grab the edge of the stall, and leap over the top of the wall into the 2nd stall.  As my feet land on the toilet seat, I hear the first stall door open.

"Nobody in this stall."

"Hmm, I was sure I heard a sound too.  Check the other stalls."

Like a ninja, I leap over the wall and onto the next toilet, and then the next.  The sound of stall doors opening just seconds behind me kept me jumping.  Until... I reached the last stall.  I can't jump through a brick wall!  My eyes go wide and I do my best to quiet my heavy breathing.  What to do?  What to do??  As I hear the stall door next to me open and shut, I throw myself over the wall back the other direction.  Crouched with my feet on the toilet seat, I shiver in fear.  I've already been in too much trouble this year.  Surely I will get detention if I get caught!

"Nobody here.  Hmm... maybe we just heard a sound from the boy's room next door.  I'll go get a male teacher to check it out."

I hear the bathroom door squeak open followed by heels clicking out into the hallway.  But there were two teachers... did they BOTH leave?  I hear the stall next to me open, and the sounds of clothes being taken off.  I hold my breath.  My heart is beating so hard it sounds like a drum beating against my chest.  I hear tinkling sounds go on far too long, and I feel like I'm turning purple from holding my breath so long.

The stall door opens, and I hear the sink turned on and turned off.  *th-thump!  th-thump!  th-thump!*  My heart beat was deafening in my ears.  Finally, I hear the bathroom door open and close.  I wait a few more seconds to confirm that the bathroom is quiet and empty before gasping for air.

I race out of the bathroom as fast as I could run, and sprinted all the way back to class.  I'll never make THAT mistake again!!



This is not a true story... but a drama piece that I did for competition in high school.  And no, I wasn't actually in a bathroom.  Each round of competitions was held in a class room with about 8 other teen actors and 3 adult judges.  I had 6 chairs lined up, and was jumping from one to the next miming the invisible walls to the bathroom stalls.  It was dangerous.  I fell a few times.  I ruined lines by laughing in the middle of my piece... but in the end, I made it to State Semi-Finals.  I didn't get a medal, but I got my picture in the paper and had a blast!