Age & Appearances

When I was 5, my most important possessions were a blanket and a few toys.
At 15, my stereo and cassette tape collection were more precious than gold.
By 25, it was all about my guitars, my Japanese toy collection and my data (pics & recordings)

Recently, I turned 37, and possessions matter little to me.  Oh, sure, my expensive items are important to me, but mostly because they're expensive.  What I value the most is my family and my free time.  And rather than amassing toys and musical equipment, I now collect irreplaceable things... like art created by me and my friends.

And over the years my appearances have changed dramatically.  Growing up in Montana, just having long hair drew jeers like "cut your hair hippy!"  And my hair wasn't even that long!  After moving to Minneapolis I grew my hair super long and dyed it green.  It was really important to me that I dressed & appeared the way I wanted.  Nobody was going to call me a "sell out"!

Well, despite my unorthodox appearance, I still managed to get promoted at my company and was told to normalize or lose my job.  Forced to make the decision between my rock star appearance or losing my big promotion... I chose to normalize.  But I still rebelled... going with black shaggy hair and wearing club-style "business" clothes.

And then I moved to Colorado and got a HUGE promotion... suddenly I was manager of other managers and meeting with Vice Presidents of a billion-dollar corporation, and even on casual Friday I made it a point to dress up.  I had to show everyone I was serious about my position!

My contract ended, and I went through years of low level jobs... yet I still dressed up like I was a manager.  In my current job, I'm not a manager and there is no dress code... and still I want everyone to know I'm serious about my work.  Many of my coworkers show up in sweatpants and many of my managers have outlandish styles... and I'm in my dress pants and a button-up shirt ready for a job interview or a wedding.  And even if dressing up doesn't influence my promotion, it sure makes me feel good.  And even if I don't have the looks of a rock star, I still stand out with my rock star personality and ideas.  I'm still me!


I've come up with a new system of age based upon the stages of human life using a base-18 counting system.  Because once you're 18 you think you're and adult... and yet you're just a newborn baby adult learning to crawl and walk all over again.

• 1-18 = childhood
• 19-36 = young adult
• 37-54 = middle-aged adult
• 55-72 = senior citizen
• 72+ = ??  senior senior citizen?  Surely this is a whole different stage of life.

So, I'm officially a newborn middle-aged man!  Most of my friends are in their early 20's, and I barely comprehend what middle-aged life is about, but I'm ready to learn and redefine it!


Apparently, my math is horrible and so is my rambly choices in words.  Edited.

Confessions of a former Electronics Salesman

I got a new job!   I'm finally back in the tech industry again and working for a great company!   And so I recently quit my old job working as an electronics salesman.   Once again,  I'd like to share what I learned in my 6 months working at that job.

• Electronic salesmen are paid on commission and bonuses.   This means they will try to sell things that pay well,  and will hide cheap items that don't give kickbacks.   If you want a small tv, you will get poor service. 
• Retail stores are more expensive than online stores.  Don't go to a retail store unless you need the product NOW
• Retail stores websites often sell products for cheaper than the actual store, even if you pick up the product at the store.   Probably because they don't have to pay commissions. 
• Most retail stores price match against local competitors.   
• Retail stores have really good return policies.   Product could be open,  used,  damaged or you just don't like it and as long as you are within the return time frame (usually 30-60 days) they will refund your money
• Prices change weekly. And if a product you bought goes on sale shortly after you bought it,  they will often refund the difference.
• Electronics salesmen are experts.  Got a question or want to know about the latest electronics,  ask!
• Protection agreements are better than extended warrantees, but are rarely needed.  Salesmen will pressure you hard and try to scare you into buying them because they pay good commissions and count towards metrics.  (I didn't like selling them,  and was "coached" about it almost weekly.)
• Read the fine print on protection agreements!  A lot of salesmen will lie to get you to buy.   
• Newer is not always better.
• If you get good service,  take the survey or call the store.   The managers put a lot of focus on customer feedback.
• A lot of stores are extending Black Friday sakes so you don't have to wait in line at 4 am to get the good deals
• Retail stores are not safer than shopping online, because they don't focus on security like websites do.  Remember the Target credit card scandal of 2013?   It could happen to any retailer. 

In my opinion,  retail electronics stores will not exist much longer.   Why?  The Internet has better selection,  better prices and don't require awkward interactions with salesmen.   Retail electronics stores will become vending machines, show rooms for online orders or warehouses with pickup windows. 

Summary?  Shop online unless it is an emergency.

Waking Up Alive

Guess who's back??

It's been several weeks since my last post, but I swear it is not due to laziness this time.  I had a 3 week long battle wtih my stomach and my lungs, and I finally won!  It may have costed me a few thousand dollars, but I am determined to make the best of it.  I feel like a new person!  And I have discovered the cure to many common prooblems.

Are you struggling to quit smoking cigarettes?  Here is the most effective way that I have found... get really really sick and spend some time in the hospital!  When thoughts of suffering and dieing start crossing your mind, suddenly it is VERY important to stop smoking.  In fact, you will do just about anything to avoid going back to that traumatic place!    While I have only been a nonsmoker for 6 days, I am very confident that I am done.  I once quit smoking for 3 years... after going to the ER and fearing for my life.  Why did I start up again?  Alcohol and New Years shananigans. Won't make that mistake again!

Are you taking the basic joys of life for granted?  Maybe you're depressed, grumpy, bored with life or just plain unmotivated?  There's a cure for that... get really sick!  Being sick takes away all the basic enjoyments of life... like eating, sitting comfortably and sleeping.  You truly don't appreciate these things until you can't do them anymore.  While I'm still recovering, I have become incredibly happy to be alive and functioning semi normally.  And I am normally a happy guy, except when sick or tortured by work.  But every tiny victory is a feather in my cap.  I can almost eat a full meal!  Looking forward to eating flavorful foods again.

My blog title may be my favorite quote, but I really don't want to live forever.  Forever is entirely too long!  Nor do I want to die today.  I still have things to do, people and animals to take care of, and a life to live.  So how about somewhere in between?  I don't have forever and can't change the world in a day... but I'm alive again, I'm going to make the most of it!

Duke Doki's Big Adventure

This is a story about a dog.  The greatest dog to ever live.  Standing knee-high, he was not too big and not too small.  Long, sleek and muscular.  Athletic and adorable.  Soft mink fur in wild patterns of black, brown, tan and white unlike any other dog.  Passionate about dog toys and playing fetch.  An aggressive snuggler.  And serious.  Always very serious.  Serious about snuggling.  Serious about playing fetch.  Life is not a game, and he gives it his all.  At the dog park, he MUST fetch the ball first, even if he was not invited.  He outruns the bigger dogs, and prances back quite full of himself.  He is a noble dog.  A royal.  gaining fans.  He is much more popular than I am, attracting attention everywhere he goes.  But I am proud to stand in his shadow.  He is my son.  My dog-son.
This dog went by many names... Duke, Jester, Doki Doki.   Some even call him Duke Doki of Doki-shire, recognizing his royalty.   While the events of his early chidlhood are unknown, we can only imagine what horrors he suffered.  Loss of family.  Hurricanes.  Separation.  Relocation.  Surely there is something in this story to explain why he is so serious, and why he has such anxiety about rain and cats.

He was born September 15th, 2007 in Gulfport, Mississippi, along with 9 of the cutest puppies ever to live.  He was named Duke, for he looked just like his dad, King.   King, was a full-blooded Catahoula Cur standing nearly waist high with thick leopard spotted fur, one blue eye, and one brown eye.  A large muscular hunting dog and respected leader of the pack.  Duke's mom, Sadie, was half-dachshund and half Catahoula Cur.  She was much smaller than King with a long sleek body and long dachshund pattern fur.  She was very loving and attentive, keeping track of all 10 of her children and making sure they were well fed.  Duke loved her very much.

Over the first months of his life, Duke's brothers and sisters began to mysteriously disappear.  One by one.  Strange humans would arrive, make a big fuss and suddenly one of the pack was gone.  But he got plenty of attention from his parents and humans.  His humans treated him well, but did not pay much attention to him.  They were too busy doing human things.

From the day he was born, the cats terrorized him.  At first he thought they were playing, but they would claw and bite him, drawing blood!  He had to hide close to momma or else one of the mini-tigers would pick on him.  All of his brothers and sisters had disappeared, and he was now an only pup.  No one to play with, and no one to watch his back.  He had to keep his guard up at all times.

Daddy King was Duke's biggest role model.  Duke dreamed of going out hunting in the swamp, chasing birds and treeing big animals of all types.  But the dangers were even greater than he realized.  One day, King went hunting with the humans... and did not come back.  Duke didn't understand why!  Where did he go?  Was he kidnapped like his siblings?  Or was he eaten by a giant animal?  Duke vowed to train hard, overcome the cats and become a big hunting dog like his dad.

When Duke was 11 months old, there was a great thunderstorm.  It started raining and it didn't stop.  Duke was put in the garage with his mom, Sadie, and they hid inside a box in the corner as the wind and thunder shook the building.  The wind was so bad, the roof was ripped off the house and part of the garage.  The noise was so loud, all Duke could do was hide in fear.

The garage began to fill with water there was so much rain, and yet all the doors were closed.  Nowhere to run or hide.  And so Duke and Sadie swam in circles, until the water reached the table and they had footing again.  But the water continued to rise, and lil puppy Duke swam and swam, back and forth, keeping his head above water.  With a crash, the wall of the garage fell apart and the two dogs were swept outside into the rain.  They found shelter under some fallen wood and waited.

Duke's neighborhood after the rain

In the morning the storm had subsided.  Duke and Sadie circled around what was left of the house... which was now an island covered in junk, trailers and boats.  Water and rubble surrounded them on all sides.  And there was no food.  Luckily, some nice humans arrived on a boat with some food.  But the food was a trap!  They actually wanted to capture the dogs, and soon Duke found himself in a cage, looking through the bars at his mother in the next cage.  He began whining and yelping, but to no avail.  He was trapped.

You've been rescued!  Now get in this tiny cage.

After riding in the boat for hours, Duke was unloaded into a big building full of barking dogs, meowing cats and squawking birds.  Looking around frantically, he realized his mom was no longer in sight.  He began barking and howling along with the rest, and he continued barking until he heard the tail-tell sound of his mom barking in return.  She was in another part of the building, but it comforted him to know she was nearby.

Duke was moved from his cage to a pen filled with small dogs.  He was sad that his mom was not part of this bunch, but the males and females had been separated.  Every day he barked and howled until his mom responded to console him.  The days passed, the pen got more crowded and the inmates were stressed to breaking point.

Caged up and shipped off

Several weeks passed just the same, until Duke found himself being caged and loaded onto a trailer.  And so began the longest trip of his life.  Looking out the cage bars, he could see the road passing by, and the voyage took an entire day and night.  He was very sad, and very confused.  His mom was not on the truck, and he had no idea where she was.

The next day, he was let out of his cage into a kennel full of small dogs.  Such annoying little dogs, yapping and causing a scene.  Duke did not like them, and spent most of his time in the corner.  For some reason, the humans were now calling him "Jester."  And lots of humans came to look at him, calling him Jester and acting like they knew him... but he didn't know these people!  All he wanted was his beautiful mom, Sadie.  So, everytime a human took him out of the kennel, he would lay down and ignore them.  All he wanted was to be left alone.

Weeks passed, and the kennel got less crowded as the days passed.  Now he was one of 6 dogs in the kennel.  He was much bigger than the others, but still too small to be in the big dog kennel.  Once again, he was taken out of the kennel and handed to a total stranger.  This one was a man with friendly brown eyes and a soft voice.  He smelled like food.  But Jester was still too shy.  Too scared.  And he laid down and ignored the human.  But this human wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept talking to Jester, petting him and consoling him.  They locked eyes, and immediately Jester felt a kinship.  There was something different about this human.  Before he knew it, he was sitting in the front seat of a car with wind in his hair as exciting music played.

Jester (Doki) and his first toy Neptune, first day home.

They stopped at a big store filled with dog toys.  Jester was too confused and shy to look around much, but he did like one toy that was offered him.  A merdog with a crown.  It reminded him of his dad, King.  And for the first time in many months, he had something of his own.  The next place they stopped, a human gave them food.  He was offered a Wendy's burger, but it smelled awful so Jester didn't touch it.  And their last stop was a house, where there was a bowl of dog food and water and a whole couch just for him!  He had a big window view of giant mountains, and he had his new dog toy, that the humans named Neptune.

Doki Doki

The new human said he didn't like the name Jester.  Duke didn't like it either, and refused to respond to it.  So the human started yelling names at Duke.  "Jack!  Bob!  Killer?  Cujo!  Zepp?  Fernando?"  Duke didn't like any of those names, and did not respond, but the human kept yelling out names.  "Steve!  Doolittle!  Zeffer!  Hotdog!  Leopardo!"  Still none of the names appealed to Duke.  The human left for a few hours, and came back with a list in his hand.  Again, names were randomly called out... until suddenly Duke thought he heard his name... "Doki doki!"  He looked up at the human, twisting his head.  "Doki doki!  Doki doki!"  Hey, this is exciting!  The human said "Doki Doki" is Japanese for heart-throb.  Jester was officially named Doki Doki.  Duke Doki of Doki-shire.

Doki at the summit of Raspberry Mountain

The years that followed were filled with adventure.  Climbing mountains.  Going for runs.  Eating homecooked human food.  Meeting lots of nice humans, and making friends with their dogs.  But most of all, Doki loved his human.  His human threw his ball every day.  His human loved cuddles.  And his human made the best food.  He became very good at treeing animals, too, just like his dad.  He treed squirrels, cats and even a bear!

He still warred with the cats.  They taunt him, with their swishy swishy tails and meowing sounds.  Constantly trying to steal attention from the humans.  So Duke Doki makes sure the cats know, HE is the one that will do the terrorizing.  And the cats know it!  He won't kill them, but he'll rip out a tuft of fur if he can!  Whenever it rains, Doki finds his human and sticks by his side like glue.  Never again was he going to get left alone in a storm!  And every day, Doki misses his momma Sadie.  Where is his mom today?  Living a happy spoiled life, I'm sure!

Doki and his dog-best-friends (in Christmas sweaters)

The future of education

The past few years I have become fascinated by video game psychology.  What makes video games so compelling, and how can we apply that addictive concentration to more practical uses?  If we can figure out how to make work and education as fun as video games, it would greatly accelerate our learning and improve our dedication towards progress.

Video games are already educational, although in unintended ways.  When we were little, was there any need to count above 100?  Not really.  Math isn't too useful to a kid outside counting toys and pennies.  But most video games are based on numbers.  My little 5 year old is rapidly learning to read and identify numbers in the thousands, why?  Video games.  Buying items with game credit, scores, hit points... all teach numbers.  He is also very focused on learning to read, and I have no doubt video games are part of his motivation.

A major factor of video game psychology is motivating people on a long-term basis.  What makes people play World of Warcraft or Call of Duty so religiously year-after-year?  A sense of progress.  Levelling up, completing quests, unlocking more quests, gaining a range of customized equipment, badges, backgrounds and other benefits.  And all of this makes the gamer feel pride & prestige.  Feels good to have badges, no matter what they are.  Some achievements are extremely difficult, making them even more prestigious.

Facebook has made a game out of social interaction, and people are addicted to it.  The corporate world has been chasing the holy grail of teamwork and productivity, a corporate social network.  But they fail to focus on what makes workers happy.  A happy worker needs to feel like they are a valued part of the team.  They want clear defined metrics so they know how to succeed.  And they want to feel a sense of progress.  I think they if they looked more closely at video game psychology, they could find their motivation.  Give employees "experience points," define levels and benefits of each level.  Give badges of achievement and in-depth metrics that show they are progressing.  In many video games, they show stats of all different types making it hard to say who "won."  Did you win by having the most experience points?  The most achievements?  Being part of the team who completed their goals?  And did everybody have a chance to see the stats?

My current employer has a rough grasp of this concept.  We have several profile pages and a forum to socially interact.  They give out badges in the form of buttons.  And I definitely saw a lot of motivation amongst coworkers to acquire those badges.  And I'm sure it will continue to evolve in decades to come.

In the future, I imagine school as massive interactive games designed to teach a wide range of skills.  But let's not call it "educational" as that implies tedious work.  This game would require math, science, history, etiquette, grammar and a wide myriad of educational fields.  The final levels of the game would be the tests.  Metrics would be gathered real-time, and the game would intelligently alter it's mechanics to focus on areas of improvement.  Kids would be so addicted to their education you'd have to tear them away from it.  Parents would be yelling at their kids "Quit doing your homework all day!"  And by graduation, there would be detailed stats on their grades and skill levels which could then be used in the job career... continuing the game.

A resume would show scores and achievements in various areas.  And clans would form among coworkers that got along well.

I'm a level 80 project manager, level 50 customer service and level 15 in sales.  My achievement badges I'm most proud of are in designing corporate wikis, leading major software upgrades and improving out-dated processes.  Looking for a clan of focused geeks focused on changing the world.

Hidden Talents

As we approach the commercialized Christmas season, I want to think about this... you will either be remembered or forgotten for the gifts you give.  ANYBODY can buy a cheap piece of plastic, a gift card or give money... and while gifts are always appreciated, there are things you can give that NOBODY but you can give.  Arts!  Crafts!  Homemade foods!  Would you rather get a box of corporate cookies for Christmas... or your mom's homemade peanut-butter cookies?

You're not artistic?  That's not true!  Have you tried?  Because all it requires to create art is effort.

In the modern day, it is easy to just copy & paste art... and we never share our originality.  Why?  Because we never try.  We're tired out from our mundane jobs and spend our free-time as intellectual consumers.  But I encourage you today, to think about CREATING ART!

I don't just mean art... I mean the entire category of "arts."  This includes all textual, visual and audio forms of creative expressions.

The one art I have not fully attempted, is writing.  This is the main reason I started this blog.  To exercise my skill at crafting words.  Brainstorming deep thoughts and releasing them into something fun and exciting to read.  I have several grand ideas for books, but have yet to sit down and dedicate the time to writing anything longer than a blog post.  My stories often involved time-travel, magic or super science.  The authors that inspire me the most are Robert Jordan, Piers Anthony and William Gibson.  I truly hope to share my first book with the world within the next year.

How about visual arts?  When we are kids, we draw, we color and we paint grand images from our imaginations.  Granted, most of the things we drew as kids were primitive and required explanation... but once we become adults, we generally stop drawing, painting or coloring.  A couple years ago, I decided to focus on being more artistic.  I bought pastels... which are basically oil-crayons for adults.  I scribbled out several amusing images, and then realized that I have never created an actual painting.  Maybe I'm the next Picasso!  I don't know.  So, on New Years of 2012 I made my first simple painting...

Okay, so it's no Picasso and a 5 year old could probably paint it.  But it's my first painting.  Turned sideways it looks like the emoticon :)

But I was still intimidated by the canvas, and did not create anything for nearly a year.  Then I sat down with a canvas and start brushing out a swirly background.  As it dried, I saw all sorts of images in the swirls and scribbles, and decided to paint what I was seeing...

Ah-ha!  This made me feel like Picasso.  And after painting it, I realized these images represent me and my emotions.  On the outside, I resemble a carefree puppy dog with a big stupid grin... but inside my head is a monster that feeds upon my thoughts, or maybe it is my train-of-thought.  This monster worm originates from the "uncomfortable worm" of my psyche and the eye of self-realization.  My train of thought also passes by my lust, my dark sadness, my craziness and that sick part of me that is constantly spewing uncomfortable awkward self... coming full circle back to the nervous puppy dog grinning through the chaos.

Since then, I have created a few more paintings... although nothing that impresses me as much as that one.


As a teen, I dreamed of being a rock star.  And in my 20's, I built up a home recording studio and spent endless hours recording music.  I realized that I am not the greatest musician, and that I am my own rock star.  I really don't care if others like my music, as long as I enjoy it.  Oh, and I LOVE my music.  But I'm a horrible salesman and will never put the energy needed to go commercial.  And the idea of a "rock star" making millions off of one album is virtually obsolete.  Nowadays, musicians make their money off of touring nonstop.  The recorded music is just promotion for the live show.

Most of my recorded music is controversial, political and offensive, and I usually don't share as I don't want to ostracize friends, family and future employers.  But if you have speakers connected and aren't scared of a little noise... here are samples of some of my music.

"Mass Anger" was my attempt at angry industrial-metal.  Originally named "Hate," but that band name is already taken by about 20 different bands.  So I renamed it to Mass Anger.  Music to riot to!  It's in the top 50 of rock artists on Reverbnation.  My other more offensive project is in the top 40!

Learn how to get a song on itunes at ReverbNation.com

I then spent a few years working on acoustic hippie folk music... I wanted to focus on live organic music that was upbeat, positive and non-offensive... and playable at open-mic events.  But I didn't record any of it... so if you want to hear it you'll have to coerce me to get my guitar out.  That project was named "Forest of Tree's"

Then a few years ago I discovered dubstep, and was motivated to play with experimental electronica... so I created the project "vRksa" which is sanskrit for Tree.

There are still arts I have not delved into... and even if I am not a rock star, nor a Picasso, nor a talented writer... art brings me joy. I love my art. And that's all that REALLY counts. I always imagine my descendants experiencing my art with amazement... "Wow! Great grandpa created this?"

So as we go into the gift-giving season of Christmas... remember that art is irreplaceable!  Manufactured items are a dime a dozen... but art is priceless!  So, spend money on crafting, artistic or baking supplies and create memories.  Or, buy art supplies as gifts and encourage your loved ones to release their inner-artists!

Do Not Enter

A few weeks ago I had an idea for a story inspired from my dreams, and also from the series "Virtual Mode" by Piers Anthony.  So climb into my mind and enjoy the ride!

"Do Not Enter"

I wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of breaking glass.  Or was it just my imagination?

No, I definitely hear footsteps downstairs.  An intruder!

I race to put on my clothes, and search for a weapon.  Hmm, nothing in sight.  I guess a shoe will work.

Holding my shoe up ready to beat someone with it, I creep down the hallway and down the stairs.  It's so dark I can hardly see, but I hear someone causing a racket in the kitchen.

Peeking around the corner I see two large men rummaging through the cupboards!  Robbers!!  I turn around and run to grab my cellphone, and stumble in the dark and trip over the coffeetable!  "Ow!" I yelp in pain as I fall to the ground.

Suddenly, light blinds me from the kitchen.  I look back and see the two flashlights pointing at me.

A gruff voice yells, "What the hell!?  The owner is away on vacation!  Who are you??"

"I'm a f-f-friend!  House... uh... house-sitting!"

My eyes gradually adjust and I see the two men are wearing biker masks painted to look like skulls.  I look over at my cellphone plugged into the wall.  As I jump up and run to grab it, a gunshot rings out completely deafening me.  I look back and see one of the men holding a smoking gun, and that they had shot my cellphone.

"My cellphone!  Damn!  You bastards.  That costed me a months pay!"

"And it's about to cost you your life!  Sit still.  Our gang is coming, and if you're lucky, we will let you live."

I widen my eyes with fear, and try to think fast.

"You already broke a window and set off the silent alarm.  Police will be here any minute."

"Oh?  Is that so?  Well, then disarm it!"  The taller thug shakes his gun at me.

"Ok, ok.  The control panel is near the front door."

"Lead the way."

We walk down the hallway through the living room to the front door.

"Hmm... I don't see the control panel.  It must be by the front door on the porch."  I open the door, slam it, open the porch door and run as fast as I can towards my car.

There was no alarm system... but thankfully my bluff had worked.

I hear the front door slam behind me as my pursuers chase after me.  About 20 feet from my car, I hear the roar of motorcycles turn down the driveway.  I'll never make it to my car in time!  I veer right, and I run behind the house, then across the field and into some woods.  I stop to catch my breath and listen if I'm being followed.

Sure enough, I hear yelling and footsteps chasing after me.  I jump up and continue running through the woods.  I'm not really familiar with this area and have no idea where I to go, so I just keep running.

I come to a clearing in the woods and find a run-down mansion with rotted out wooden steps.  I carefully climb up the steps, walk through the broken front door and I hide around the corner and wait.

But they're still chasing me!  By the sounds of it, the entire gang is on my trail now.

"He must have ran inside that house!  Everyone circle around it so he doesn't escape, and two of us will go inside after him."

Shoot!  Now I'm trapped!  I look around the house for an escape.

The floorboards looked old and rotten just like the front steps, and the remnants of a stairway leading up to the second floor.  I see the main zig-zag beams that held the stairs are still there, but the boards are gone.  I figure the bikers would not expect me to make such a dangerous climb, so I carefully make my way up the beam, using the wall for balance until I reach the second floor.

At the top of the stairs is a large wooden door.  It appears there are words carved on the door but are so worn I can barely make them out...  "Do not enter."  Strange.  I push the door open and run through.

It's bright and noisy.  My eyes struggle to adjust.  I look around and discover I am on a busy street in broad daylight, and it smells awful.  How can this be?  I look back and see I just came out of a run-down building that looked nothing like the mansion I was just at.  Where am I?  I look around and see street vendors selling fruit, fish and other wares and dirty people in rags everywhere.  Am I in another country?  These people don't look American!  I yell to a passerby and ask "Where am I?"  They frown at me, and say something in a language I don't understand.  So I walk down the street, hoping to find someone that speaks English.

I spot a sign written in English that says "Coffee."  A coffeeshop!  Perfect!  Someone surely speaks English there!  I walk through the door...

And I step into snow.  Snow?

I look around, and I'm on a mountaintop!  What in the world?  This doesn't make any sense.  I look back and see a hut behind me, with the door wide open.  Inside I see a bed and a stove and it looks inviting, but it doesn't make sense.  Where is the street market I just came from?  A blast of cold wind hits me and I don't see any other buildings in sight, so I go back inside the hut for shelter...

Except inside was not a hut, but a construction yard!  Men in hard hats are all around me working on a huge skyscraper.  Cranes moving huge beams over my head and welding sparks raining down from high up above.

"Hey, you!  What are you doing here??"  A man in a white hard-hat comes running up, still yelling.  At least he spoke English!  "What are you doing here?  Where is your hard-hat?"

"Um, I'm lost," I reply.

"This is a restricted area!  Didn't you see the signs?"

"No... sorry.  I just came out of..." I look back and see the door to the foreman's trailer behind me.  The door!  Before the man can say another word, I turn around and run through the door.

Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with loud music.  So loud, I can feel my bones rattling to the beat.  It appears I am now in a dark club filled with dancing people silhouetted by strobe lights and laser beams.  It smells of sweat and alcohol.  I look behind me, and see the entrance to the club with a line of people at the door getting checked by the bouncers.  At least the music was good!

I walk up to the bar and go to order a beer, but realize I don't have my wallet.. nor my cellphone... nor any keys!  The three things I always carry on me.  I was really in a bind.  So, instead of a beer I ask for a glass of water and watch the people on the dance floor.

"Do you want to dance?"

I look over and see a tall beautiful brunette batting her big brown eyes at me.

"Why yes!  A dance would be great.  I've had a such horrible night."

She grabs my hand and drags me out onto the dance floor.  "I'll make it better."

What luck!  And what a dancer she was!  I lurch around awkwardly in what I consider dancing, while she sways and floats around like a swan princess on a cloud of air.  I pull her closer, her body continuing to wiggle against mine as we dance together.  She's sexy, curvy and smells sweet like candy... completely overwhelming my senses.  She begins grinding against me and kissing my ear, and then she whispers, "Want to come home with me?"   I nod excitedly, and she leads me towards the exit.  Arm in arm we walk out of the club.

And I find myself standing alone on a beach in broad daylight again.  Looking around, I see that I am on a small island with nothing on it except a small lean-to made of drift wood and a single palm tree.  The sun is hot and the water is endless.  I must be somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!

I decide to sit down and rest a bit, still trying to process what was going on.  I remembered being chased, running to the house and through the door that said "Do not enter."  Ever since then, I have no idea what is going on.  At least I am someplace nice, now.  The sun feels good, the sand feels soft and I really didn't sleep much last night... and I drift off to sleep.

I dreamed of travelling, beautiful women and sunny beaches.  I dreamed of places I had never been to, and people that I had never met.  But then my dreams turned darker, and I dreamed of running in the dark, cold and wet.  Rain beat down and lightning flashed overhead, and I could not find shelter.  What a horrible dream!  I ran and ran, but could find no escape from the rain...

And then I woke up to the sound of thunder.

The waves were crashing against the beach violently, and it really WAS raining.  I look up at the palm tree and see it swaying in the wind.  This tree wouldn't provide any cover.

I get up, wipe the sand off myself the best I can and walk towards the lean-to... but it was gone!  The wind must have blown it away!  I look around and see boards scattered across the beach, and some floating in the water.  There truly was no place to hide from the storm!!

I decide to huddle up against the tree as best as I can, and I tuck my head inside of my shirt to hide from the wind and the rain, and at the same time warm myself with my breath.  I was freezing!

And then it dawned on me... I'm trapped!  There weren't any doors on this island!  And most of the driftwood from the lean-to was gone so I couldn't build a door.  I'm trapped on a deserted island.  Well, I thought, there are worst places to be!